Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
