I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
