He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
