Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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