I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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