Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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