I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
