His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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