i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
