Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
