She announced her abortion via fbk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
