it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
