I wish I could teleport
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
