This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
