It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
