I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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