you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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