i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
