Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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