So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
