According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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