Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
