I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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