You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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