I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
