She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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