and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
