$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
