you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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