Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
