Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
