the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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