i just wanna soil my oats bro
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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