I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
