I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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