if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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