It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
