You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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