I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
