I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
