A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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