one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
