How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
