hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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