i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
