Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
