I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
