I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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