I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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