just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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