i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Where are you guys?
Drunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
