we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
