Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
