I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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