Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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