Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
