they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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