Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
