shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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