What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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