your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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