Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
soo... how was my night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
