with your own penis?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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