i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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