Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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