You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking