I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
