Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.