Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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