Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
