Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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