I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
