Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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