Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
