She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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