We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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