We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
