I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
