Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
