Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
