Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
