i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
