thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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