I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
