Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
