Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
