Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
These tits shall not be calmed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
